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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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• (408): View more from California

  Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank you pre-med degree.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.

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