they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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