Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I could make wine with my vomit
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
