remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
