Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
