i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i would punch a child for taco bell
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
