Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
