Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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