i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
