she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
