Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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