you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize