Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
