Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
