I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
