I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
