I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
