Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
