So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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