So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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