You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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