I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
