Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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