i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
