This is not my ceiling
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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