it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I understand Curling. That high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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