I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
too bad you live with your parents still
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
