She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
