he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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