we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
