Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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