did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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