my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize