Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
