Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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