she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
