I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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