she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
