I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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