Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
