I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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