I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
