Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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