i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize