you mean i was at the winter classic?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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