Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
