Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
