what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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