I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
