I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
