I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
