she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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