dude i'm inner monologue high
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
