Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
