last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
