if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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