3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
