I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
