happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this just has baby written all over it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize