He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
