dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize