Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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