We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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