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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
