is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
