you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
