I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
