It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
