I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
