Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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