john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
