You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize