i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
