Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
