Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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