he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
