I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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