This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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