just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
