The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
