My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
