i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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