So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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