fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize