It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
