ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
