im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
