I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize