It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
