Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
