From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
