Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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