just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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