It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
