Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
