finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
