Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
