HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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