I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
