She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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