You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
