Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
