He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
