I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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