im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
