i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Fuck appropriateness.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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