just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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