I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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