i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
