I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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