"it" just moved
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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