i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
